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Can You Forgive Someone Who Won't Repent?
- Apr 6
- 12 min read
Updated: Apr 29
It Won't Work
What Is Forgiveness?
Ephesians 4:32
Authorized (King James) Version
Forgive Others the Way Jesus has Forgiven You
32 and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Forgiving Them is Based on Their Repentance
What to Do
Confront and Seek Reconciliation
Matthew 18:15-20
Authorized (King James) Version
15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee,
go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone:
if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee,
then take with thee one or two more,
that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them,
tell it unto the church:
but if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
18 Verily I say unto you,
Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven:
and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
19 Again I say unto you,
That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask,
it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.
The Goal in Forgiving is to Please God
Galatians 1:8-11
Living Bible
8 Let God’s curses fall on anyone, including myself,
who preaches any other way to be saved than the one we told you about;
yes, if an angel comes from heaven and preaches any other message, let him be forever cursed.
9 I will say it again:
if anyone preaches any other gospel than the one you welcomed, let God’s curse fall upon him.
10 You can see that I am not trying to please you by sweet talk and flattery;
no, I am trying to please God.
If I were still trying to please men I could not be Christ’s servant.
11 Dear friends,
I solemnly swear that the way to heaven that I preach is not based on some mere human whim or dream.
1 Thessalonians 4:1-4
Living Bible
4 1-2 Let me add this, dear brothers:
You already know how to please God in your daily living,
for you know the commands we gave you from the Lord Jesus himself.
Now we beg you—yes, we demand of you in the name of the Lord Jesus—
that you live more and more closely to that ideal.
3-4 For God wants you to be holy and pure
and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor—
Hebrews 13:15, 16
Living Bible
15 With Jesus’ help we will continually offer our sacrifice of praise to God
by telling others of the glory of his name.
16 Don’t forget to do good and to share what you have with those in need,
for such sacrifices are very pleasing to him.
Hebrews 11:5-6
Living Bible
5 Enoch trusted God too, and that is why God took him away to heaven without dying;
suddenly he was gone because God took him.
Before this happened God had said how pleased he was with Enoch.
6 You can never please God without faith, without depending on him.
Anyone who wants to come to God must believe that there is a God
and that he rewards those who sincerely look for him.
A lot of people that we got problems with aren't going to reconcile as easily as you will. This is what Jesus is saying in Mt. 18:16, 17. Be willing to forgive and reconcile in order to please God, because pleasing God is what your goal is, not your rights, dreams and self-esteems. We've got to deny ourselves to please God. Please God, not self.
Luke 14:25-35
Living Bible
{Paraphrased}
25 Great crowds were following {Jesus}.
He turned around and addressed them as follows:
26 “Anyone who wants to be my follower must love me far more than he does his own father,
mother, wife, children, brothers, or sisters—
yes, more than his own life—otherwise he cannot be my disciple.
27 And no one can be my disciple who does not carry his own cross and follow me.
28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost.
For who would begin construction of a building without first getting estimates
and then checking to see if he has enough money to pay the bills?
29 Otherwise he might complete only the foundation before running out of funds.
And then how everyone would laugh!
30 “‘See that fellow there?’ they would mock.
‘He started that building and ran out of money before it was finished!’
31 “Or what king would ever dream of going to war without first sitting down with his counselors
and discussing whether his army of 10,000 is strong enough to defeat the 20,000 men
who are marching against him?
32 “If the decision is negative, then while the enemy troops are still far away,
he will send a truce team to discuss terms of peace.
33 So no one can become my disciple unless he first sits down and counts his blessings—
and then renounces them all for me.
34 “What good is salt that has lost its saltiness?
35 Flavorless salt is fit for nothing—not even for fertilizer.
It is worthless and must be thrown out.
Listen well if you would understand my meaning."
Repent Before You Forgive
Not Forgive First Then Repent Later
God wants people to stop fighting and forgive. Forgive others because God has forgiven you (Eph. 4:31, 32). God will not forgive others who do not forgive others (Mt. 6:14, 15). But forgiveness doesn't work on the unrepentant; those who won't stop fighting you.
Forgiving someone that doesn't want to reconcile with you won't work cos they're going to keep fighting you. To forgive others as Christ did means that you forgive them after they repent. God tells us to repent first and then we'll be forgiven. If people won't repent of fighting you, how can you forgive them? For the trespass is still being committed against you ... you understand that you need first to repent to get God's forgiveness of your sins ... this same truth applies to your relationship with people ... we must forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. This means to first repent.
Repent First
He Didn't Say,
"Forgive, for the Kingdon of Heaven is at Hand"
Matthew 3:1-3
Authorized (King James) Version
3 In those days came John the Baptist,
preaching in the wilderness of Judæa, 2 and saying,
Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
3 For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying,
The voice of one crying in the wilderness,
Prepare ye the way of the Lord,
make his paths straight.
Matthew 4:16-17
Authorized (King James) Version
16 the people which sat in darkness saw great light;
and to them which sat in the region and shadow of death light is sprung up.
17 From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say,
Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Repent for the Remission of Sins
Acts 2:38
Authorized (King James) Version
38 Then Peter said unto them,
Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins,
and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
(This verse links forgiveness, or remissions of sins with repentance)
Hebrews 9:22
Authorized (King James) Version
22 And almost all things are by the law purged with blood;
and without shedding of blood is no remission.
(While this verse specifically mentions bloodshed as necessary for remission,
it implies that true forgiveness involves a process that includes acknowledgment of sin
(which aligns with repentance).
Ezekiel 18:30
Authorized (King James) Version
30 Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel,
every one according to his ways,
saith the Lord God.
Repent,
and turn yourselves from all your transgressions;
so iniquity shall not be your ruin.
(This verse emphasizes the necessity of repentance
as a condition for avoiding the judgment and destruction of unforgiveness)
Luke 13:3-5
Authorized (King James) Version
Repentance Saves Us from God's Judgement of Perishing in the Lake of Fire
Not Forgiveness
3 I tell you,
Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them,
think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?
5 I tell you,
Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
"No, Forgive First Then Repent
Because People Have Problems Repenting"
I have seen people who don't know God say this ... their motives are hatred and spite against the preachers who teach the truth that repentance comes before forgiveness. False prophets. The reason that God says to repent first is to get rid of the problems with sin that He has with you. God helps us first repent. After this, He helps us forgive others.
Without God, we cannot forgive, and we cannot repent. God has to help people repent in order to forgive. People that say that people have to first forgive and repent later say this because they don't know God or the Bible. The Bible doesn't teach to forgive first. False prophets do. They don't know God. If they did, they would know that they have to first honor God with repentance to approach Him before we can ask for His help to forgive others.
To forgive first and repent later would mean that you're doing things your way. We got to do things God's way. Treat others the way that God treats you. If you repent later that means that you're trying to repent without God's help. You're trying to get right with God your own way (Eze. 18:4/ Ps. 14:3/ Isa. 53:6). You need Jesus to help you get right with God (Jn. 1:29). This means that you don't know God because only God can help you repent and forgive other people.
People who teach that you have to forgive then repent later are false prophets. When you know God, you listen to Him and do things His way, not yours. You got to copy God's ways because they happen over and over. God's word; what God says, is repeated over and over throughout eternity.
Get Right with God First by Repenting
Then Get Right with God and Others by Forgiving Them
As Christ for God has Forgiven You
After You First Repented of Sin
Does the Bible Teach to Forgive First Then Repent Later?
Search Labs | AI Overview
The Bible generally teaches that repentance precedes forgiveness, both from God and from others. While forgiveness is a powerful and essential aspect of Christian life, it is often linked to the offender's recognition and remorse for their actions.
Here's a more detailed explanation:
Forgiveness from God:
Repentance is a prerequisite: Christians believe that acknowledging and repenting from sin is essential for receiving forgiveness from God.
God's initiative: While repentance is a human act, God initiates the process of forgiveness through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Forgiveness is offered: God offers forgiveness to those who repent and believe in Jesus.
Forgiveness from Others:
While forgiveness is not always conditional on repentance, it is often seen as a step towards reconciliation and restoration.
This passage emphasizes the importance of rebuking those who sin and forgiving them when they repent, even if they sin repeatedly.
Forgiveness is a choice, a release of anger and bitterness, and it doesn't necessarily guarantee reconciliation.
Reconciliation requires repentance:
Reconciliation, the restoration of a relationship, often requires repentance from the offender, says a post on Knowing Jesus Ministries.
In summary: While forgiveness is a vital aspect of the Christian faith, the Bible generally emphasizes the need for repentance before, or as part of, the process of receiving forgiveness, both from God and from others.
To Repent Means to Confess Our Sins
Matthew 5:23-24
Authorized (King James) Version
{Paraphrased}
23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to {God at} the altar,
and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee
{the Holy Spirit will speak scriptures to your memory to remind you of this - Jn. 14:26};
24 leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way;
first be reconciled to thy brother {this is called repentance},
and then come and offer thy gift {to God }.
(Jesus is talking about reconciling with your enemies in this passage.
To reconcile does not mean to forgive first. It means to repent first and then to forgive,
Because you can forgive and not reconcile due to their unrepentance in fighting you.
To reconcile therefore means that people have repented of fighting
and were thus forgiven)
1 John 1:9
Authorized (King James) Version
{Paraphrased}
9 If we confess our sins, {God} is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Not Pleasing God
Jesus wants us to talk to people who have problems with us to try and repent, forgive and reconcile because that's what pleases God. Christians will because they want to please God too. But some Christians won't repent. Here's are the steps Jesus said to do about the unforgiving Christian.
Matthew 18:16-20
Authorized (King James) Version
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more,
that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church:
but if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican
{this means to separate from them - 2 Cor. 6:14-18/ 1 Cor. 5:9- 13 -
and pray for your enemies Mt. 5:38-48}.
18 Verily I say unto you,
Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven {in prayer for your enemies}:
and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven {in prayer for your enemies}.
19 Again I say unto you,
That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask
{in prayer for your enemies},
it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name
{praying for your enemies in the Name of Jesus},
there am I in the midst of them.
If your enemies are Christian, you get your pastor and church involved if they won't on their own with you like you are with them, aim on your own to please God and seek repentance and forgiveness to please God.
If they won't listen to you and the church, which means that they are rejecting God, you treat them as heathen or a tax collector which means to avoid them and stop talking to them. In vv. 18-20, Jesus is talking about prayer. If they won't listen to you alone. If they won't listen to you and the church, then you reject them and keep them in prayer. Jesus is saying in vv. 18-20 that God is able to save that soul through your intercession; prayers, for them ...
The Problem with the Unforgiven
Ever feel like a doormat or a punching bag? It's called a "whipping boy" in slang. The "scapegoat mentality". Someone to take anger out on ... a lot of people experience unforgiveness and say that forgiveness doesn't work because you lose the fight, and they keep hurting you ... that's because you're forgiving someone who won't repent. You forgive them and they keep fighting you and they call it "submitting" to God when you love them but let them fight you. It means you lose your self-value, and they get theirs because no matter what they do, you forgive, and they don't repent.
Forgiveness doesn't work on people who won't repent from fighting you. God wants us to be willing to forgive, but there's some people that will remain your enemy and won't forgive. Forgiving them won't work. You have to deal with them as an unbeliever which means to keep them in prayer and have no fellowship with them. This means to avoid them and have nothing to do with them.
Where Does the Bible Say to Repent and You Will Be Forgiven?
Search Labs | AI Overview
The Bible frequently connects repentance with forgiveness. Several passages highlight this connection, including Acts 3:19 which states, "Repent, then, and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped away" Bible Hub. Luke 17:3-4 emphasizes the importance of forgiving others who repent, and 1 John 1:9 declares that confessing sins leads to forgiveness and cleansing.
Here's a more detailed look at relevant passages:
Acts 3:19: This verse encourages repentance as a path to having sins "wiped away".
Luke 17:3-4: This passage highlights the importance of forgiving those who repent, even if they sin repeatedly, YouTube.
Luke 24:47: This verse states that "repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations," indicating that repentance is central to the message of forgiveness, Bible Study Tools.
Acts 2:38: Peter calls for repentance and baptism for the remission of sins, and for the gift of the Holy Spirit, Quora.
1 John 1:9: This verse states that confessing sins leads to forgiveness and cleansing.
Acts 8:22: Peter tells Simon to repent and pray for forgiveness of his sin, Bible Gateway.
Matthew 4:17: Jesus calls people to repent, and turn to God.
Romans 2:4: This verse encourages people to consider God's kindness and forbearance and to repent.
Luke 5:31-32: This passage compares those who need a doctor (sins) to those who are healthy (not in need of forgiveness), calvarynuevo.org.
Proverbs 28:13: This verse highlights the importance of confessing and turning from sin for mercy, calvarynuevo.org.
These are just a few examples, and the theme of repentance leading to forgiveness is woven throughout the Bible.
Tell people what God tells you,
"Repent and I'll forgive you".
"Trials Turned to Gold" (Keith Green - 1977)
"Knowing You, Jesus - (All I Once Held Dear - Robin Mark - 2010)
World without end. Amen.
