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CHRISTIAN JOKES

Updated: Aug 20, 2021

Monkey Business


Galatians 3:13 Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)


13 "It is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree"


So don't be hangin' on no trees, lol...


Prophets

When you walk into a Church and you begin to worship God and praise the Lord saying, "Thank you Jesus!" and you hear someone shout from the Prayer Room, "You're Welcome!" That's the Prophet speaking to you for the Lord Jesus...


A Preacher on TBN made a good joke tonight,


"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens".


"Stinky Butts"

A Preacher said, "When I get to heaven, I got a list of complaints to give Jesus. Why can't Jesus give us breath, underarms and butts that smell like roses?! Why we gotta have stinky butts, underarms that smell like wunch and dragon breath in the mornings?!


Baby Bottles


Proverbs 5:18-20

Authorized (King James) Version


18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. 20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?


A man asked his friend which baby bottles were the best. He replied, "God's". His friend turned and said, "What?" He said, "God's baby bottles; Your wife's breasts. The only thing a father and son share on his wife".



Tic-Tac?

John 20:21-23

Authorized (King James) Version

21 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you. 22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost: 23 whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.

Jesus, I don't know about you blowing on us to receive the Holy Ghost... I mean, you're part man now. Dragon breath! Come on Jesus! You're the Lord. Can't you find some other way to give us the Holy Ghost.?! Tic-Tac?

"Jesus answereth and saith unto him. 'Not so. For I have created my own Tic-Tac from the beginning, which is in heaven'".

I love the Lord Jesus and I'm not making fun of Him. So don't let this joke destroy your faith in Him. I'm making jokes about bad breath.

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